Thats what I like. It always gets me. These boys are major. These guys did not go to UVA or Harvard or Duke (not that they are not that smart, because they are, its just thats too much of a box and they tend to be a bit rebellious and unconventional). BSD's...translated into Big Swinging Dicks. They are straight up Alpha Males. Lots of times they are athletes, but not professional, more like high school & college into recreational. Wildly successful entrepeneurs. Risk takers. These young men are really ambitious. They always look you in the eye. Good thing I have the power to capture their attention. There really is someone for everyone. Strong Women pair well with Ballers.
I have also found that I am like...well I am a magical muse. I don't think its a coincidence at this point. I suppose I have also earned the title, "Baller of Ballers" or perhaps it should be "Banger of Ballers"...OR how about "Ball Banger". Or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Hmmm, well getting back to the point, which is my magical talents. So, I have been fortunate enough to meet these young men. I remember the first time a guy I had just met told me to Google him. Ladies, the man who tells you to Google him is always going to be a Baller. You should always definitely go take a nap with him if he asks. In fact, if you are fortunate enough to meet one of these men, whatever odd thing it is that they ask you to do, you should go and do it. Forget the Rules, and what your mother told you, this is an opportunity of the more unconventional kind. You have to have an open mind, and its totally worth it. The sex is always great.
We tango for a bit, and then they rocket out of my stratosphere into another dimension of hotness. They have been "touched" by my talented hoo hah and drank of my wisdom. The men who have benefited from my muse-ical inspiration do the following: Forbes Magazine List of Top 30 Entrepeneurs Under 30, episode on Millionaire Matchmaker, and Donald Trump's "The Apprentice", 100 MPG Engine and the Navy Seal Buds training program. Now these fine young men are all in their 20's. I am still exploring the men in their 30's (who are far more rare) and will report on them later.
Sex with Ballers is verrrry fun. They tend to throw you around the bed alot, with lots of position changes. Dirty talking is also present quite often. Since these men are pretty ambitious with their careers, they tend to really want you to have a very satisfying experience too, which is a fabulous attitude. I have found that because of this, they tend to be very skilled lovers. Yet another reason that I love Ballers. Multiple orgasms are not unusual. Yay! Some of them are also incredibly sweet with the things they say and text. ("Sweetness mi amour") DC is a great place to meet them and they really respond to a Strong Woman. No sissies for them, thank goodness. They enjoy an older more experienced woman, who knows what she wants. Rrraaaawwwrrr! I want a Baller!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Said & Heard
Life is crazy and here is a small list of things that my friends and I never in five million years would have imagined we would actually say or in some cases hear....
Said - "What did you do to him?!!! Did you break him?!!" said to a GF in the morning after a GNO with a young man passed out in the fetal position at the end of the bed, fully clothed, with his feet hanging off the edge, who did not even stir when I played bongos on his ass.
Said - "No I dont have any condoms in this house, and if you get some bring some back for me, cause we need some too." said to the same GF the night before
Said - "Ok is there anyone here who did not have sex last night?" said to four of my GFs one morning when doing our debriefing
Said - "Wow...good thing I used my stopping powers" said in a delirious state to my GF when I applied the brakes in order not to run a stop sign.
Said - "Well that guy is hot. Someone needs to bang that kid tonight."
Said - "Ummm....do you know where my clothes are?"
Said - "OMGosh you could knock me over with a feather!!! Seriously!!! A year and a half later and that boy is calling me!!!! That is some power pussy right there."
"Girl, you got the illest pussy on the planet! "
Heard - "Um does anybody know who I drove home last night?"
Heard - "Wow, Jessica making pancakes and Jessica in the Club are TOTALLY different."
Heard - "Sex all night!" cute boy breaking into song in falsetto voice the next morning about his accomplishments
Heard -"Well you know, you just need a lover that understands what you are going thru. I am totally here for you and will be happy to have lots of sex with you at any time. You can talk or cry, or whatever you need to do, and if you like some kinky stuff I can do that too. I'm totally here for you. Any time you like. Really. I really mean it."
Heard - "Say my name" by a hottie when getting busy, then "Shut up!" when I began to emit too much noise.
Heard - "Oh thats ok honey, you can just work in your office and I wont bother you at all. I'll just lick your pussy while you are working." said to one GF by an adoring young man
Heard - "Well, you know I just love children. They really gradjitate to me." said to GF by husbands crappy lover that he left her for...in mediation with the priest
Heard - "Wow you are just so graceful and elegant." immediately followed by the graceful person crashing into a stationary wall.
Heard - "What the hell happened last night? I actually touched my vagina this morning to see if I was sore!" said by GF after a GNO with wine that affected us badly
Heard - "Well you know girl.....once a good girl gone bad, she gone bad fo'eva." said by my gay to me
Said - "What did you do to him?!!! Did you break him?!!" said to a GF in the morning after a GNO with a young man passed out in the fetal position at the end of the bed, fully clothed, with his feet hanging off the edge, who did not even stir when I played bongos on his ass.
Said - "No I dont have any condoms in this house, and if you get some bring some back for me, cause we need some too." said to the same GF the night before
Said - "Ok is there anyone here who did not have sex last night?" said to four of my GFs one morning when doing our debriefing
Said - "Wow...good thing I used my stopping powers" said in a delirious state to my GF when I applied the brakes in order not to run a stop sign.
Said - "Well that guy is hot. Someone needs to bang that kid tonight."
Said - "Ummm....do you know where my clothes are?"
Said - "OMGosh you could knock me over with a feather!!! Seriously!!! A year and a half later and that boy is calling me!!!! That is some power pussy right there."
"Girl, you got the illest pussy on the planet! "
Heard - "Um does anybody know who I drove home last night?"
Heard - "Wow, Jessica making pancakes and Jessica in the Club are TOTALLY different."
Heard - "Sex all night!" cute boy breaking into song in falsetto voice the next morning about his accomplishments
Heard -"Well you know, you just need a lover that understands what you are going thru. I am totally here for you and will be happy to have lots of sex with you at any time. You can talk or cry, or whatever you need to do, and if you like some kinky stuff I can do that too. I'm totally here for you. Any time you like. Really. I really mean it."
Heard - "Say my name" by a hottie when getting busy, then "Shut up!" when I began to emit too much noise.
Heard - "Oh thats ok honey, you can just work in your office and I wont bother you at all. I'll just lick your pussy while you are working." said to one GF by an adoring young man
Heard - "Well, you know I just love children. They really gradjitate to me." said to GF by husbands crappy lover that he left her for...in mediation with the priest
Heard - "Wow you are just so graceful and elegant." immediately followed by the graceful person crashing into a stationary wall.
Heard - "What the hell happened last night? I actually touched my vagina this morning to see if I was sore!" said by GF after a GNO with wine that affected us badly
Heard - "Well you know girl.....once a good girl gone bad, she gone bad fo'eva." said by my gay to me
Peas Please
Sometimes its just worth the pain. Being up all night with crying children just sucks. Whether they are sick or teething or just suffering from separation, no sleep does not make Momma happy. I have had my share of sleepless nights...everytime I am about to fall asleep I hear the call. A few times I tried to pretend that the cries would silence themselves and go away and let me sleep in peace. But thats just the delusional thinking of a desperate woman right there. Those nights and the days that follow are miserable.
However, there are most certainly exceptions. My friends and I have learned that bliss can follow a sleepless night too. Its totally worth it when you have been up all night having sex. Skinned knees aka rugburn, bruises on backs from a gear shift being in the way, sore muscles from a vigorous session, and of course oversexing of the nether regions that make walking or sitting or just about anything a bit ouchy. Thats when I reach for my bag of frozen peas. They make a perfect ice pack for my lady bits. I dont actually plan on eating the peas when I buy them, its just for emergencies.
The debriefing of the nights shananigans are also a must because the delirium produced by such an evening results in many forms of stupid, that really must be capitalized on. An example of this is as follows. After a yummy, nourishing and chatty brunch with a girlfriend, I offer to take her home. Of course there was a cute boy from the night before being talked about all during brunch. So I am driving through Old Town and there is like a stop sign at almost every corner. I realize that I have to stop and do the thing where you put your arm out in front of the passenger since you are stopping pretty quick. I try to verbalize what is going on and this is what comes out of my mouth...."wow...good thing I used my....stopping powers" and the second its out of my mouth we start to die laughing. I mean really, who forgets the word "brakes"? Well a sleep deprived woman who has been up all night having sex, thats who. I actually had to pull over we were laughing so hard. Been laughing about that for days.
Yes, it hurts so good and we love it. Put that big stupid grin on my face. Keep us up all night and as long as there are orgasms involved with the no sleeping, bring it on. And pass the peas please.
However, there are most certainly exceptions. My friends and I have learned that bliss can follow a sleepless night too. Its totally worth it when you have been up all night having sex. Skinned knees aka rugburn, bruises on backs from a gear shift being in the way, sore muscles from a vigorous session, and of course oversexing of the nether regions that make walking or sitting or just about anything a bit ouchy. Thats when I reach for my bag of frozen peas. They make a perfect ice pack for my lady bits. I dont actually plan on eating the peas when I buy them, its just for emergencies.
The debriefing of the nights shananigans are also a must because the delirium produced by such an evening results in many forms of stupid, that really must be capitalized on. An example of this is as follows. After a yummy, nourishing and chatty brunch with a girlfriend, I offer to take her home. Of course there was a cute boy from the night before being talked about all during brunch. So I am driving through Old Town and there is like a stop sign at almost every corner. I realize that I have to stop and do the thing where you put your arm out in front of the passenger since you are stopping pretty quick. I try to verbalize what is going on and this is what comes out of my mouth...."wow...good thing I used my....stopping powers" and the second its out of my mouth we start to die laughing. I mean really, who forgets the word "brakes"? Well a sleep deprived woman who has been up all night having sex, thats who. I actually had to pull over we were laughing so hard. Been laughing about that for days.
Yes, it hurts so good and we love it. Put that big stupid grin on my face. Keep us up all night and as long as there are orgasms involved with the no sleeping, bring it on. And pass the peas please.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Whats your name?
I'm really bad at remembering peoples names. I must have some kind of short term memory problem. Sometimes I even ask again, hoping it will stick. Often times when talking to girlfriends (whose names I do remember) we have to rely on other identifying features of a person to recall them. The fabulous dress, the bad hair, bad breath, great smile, etc. I'm sure I am not the only one to use this system. However, when it comes to boys...especially ones we like, they get nicknames. Its amazing how easily this happens. Superman, McNaughty, Boy Wonder, The Vet, Barely Legal, Genius, and The Dirty Pictures Guy. Now this is not to be confused with boys we dont like. The boys we dont like get names like "The Creeper" who happened to overhear us talking because he was a creeper. We were then confronted with a drunk guy asking us "Oh what so now you are calling me the creeper?!" Duh is the obvious answer, but we had to prevent the possibility of an unpleasant "situation" so I lied and said, "oh dont worry honey, we only give nicknames to boys we like" and this is obviously not true. But he was drunk and failed to realize that a nickname like "The Creeper" is just not hot. Sometimes we also invent nicknames for places. Like "The Situation Room". As in, "We have a "situation" ladies, McNaughty is coming over and I need to entertain" which is replied to with "No problem, The Situation Room is all ready". How do these gentlemen get these names you ask? Well I wont go into details on all of them, but I will tell you how McDonalds got perverted. So I met this gorgous young man while out with my best gay. Krazy chemistry right off the bat. We end up talking all night and moving to different venues with our friends. We are getting quite close but hes frustrating me. Hes too well behaved. I want to make out with him. Finally I get some where with him but he is still a bit restrained. But he does something no one has ever done to me. He nips me. On the arm. At the time, I squealed, but it didnt really hurt, it just surprised me. Well I forgot that I bruise like nobodys business and by the next morning I had an enormous bite mark on my arm. In the middle of the summer in bikini season, this is alarming, because I take my kids to the pool like every day. He bit me a few other times too...on the back in the heat of the moment as it were. Note to readers-this kind of actitvity should really be indulged during the winter months, when your mother or children will not be asking what that bruise is on your back, shoulder, arm etc. "Wow that really looks like a human bite" is not something you want to be explaining...trust me. Its convienient when you visit a petting zoo with your children and a rougue camel decides to take a bite out of you as well and then you can blame the camel, not the naughty boy that is 14 years your junior. So because he is naughty (he was also a naughty texter) he earned the moniker McNaughty.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Superman strategy
Well sometimes you just have to go out and burn off some steam and not give a crap if you are too fat for your skinny jeans. Thankfully I have lots of girlfriends that I can recruit for such missions. Sometimes the stars do align perfectly to fix what ails you, but you never know it until afterwards. So I get a break and decide to go see a movie with a girlfriend in Arlington. Eat, Pray Love is great and I do love Julia Roberts. I also have a GF in town from Atlanta I havent seen in a while. She is here for her HS reunion, and we manage to pack in a good gab session in our preparty preparations for the evening. We plan to have brunch the next morning to debrief. I go home, dont have time for a shower, but do use my 4 1/2 year old sons styling spray to "jushge" my hair into a sexy tousled look that conveinently disguises the fact that I have dirty hair. I put on my skinny jeans, a shirt that I have named the Uuber Booby shirt because its black and clingy and lays perfectly on my enormous perky breasts. I add a multi strand gold necklace that enhances the cleavage and makes the outfit totally smokin hot. Of course I have on stillettos, and they have seen enough that I revere them because they are so sexy and comfortable. Then I leave the house wearing the attitude of "I am a powerful woman and I dont care what you think, I am going to have fun tonight".
I drive my P.O.S. minivan and pick up three GFs and we head to Georgetown. First we hit The Park on 14th street because we know the birthday girl Kelly Ann Collins and they are having free food and drink from 8-9:30. I valet my P.O.S and inquire when they close, because I'm kind of tired and may head home by midnight. He tells me I can be as late as I want, the company is 24 hours. (*note for future nonsense). We say hello to peeps, then decide to find another location. We begin texting boys. The first winner, is a Pakistani gentlemen I met several months ago when I was out at Bourbon/Four Seasons. He is at Sei with some friends. I tell the girls this is a sexy joint and we should go, it takes no convincing them and we set off. Then another text comes in and he tells us to meet at Bourbon. So we redirect the cab and vow to make my friend pay. We get to Bourbon and I introduce my three cute friends, and he instantly turns into a turd. He doesnt introduce us to his friends and doenst invite us to sit with him. We play it off and get our own seats. As we are looking at the menu we decide this is bogus, and we are not drunk enough for this crap, and we are not paying for our own drinks here. So we are off again in a cab to Rhino bar for shots. We stay there for a bit and flirt with some ugly boys. Then the winning text comes in. We head to Dupont Bar Hotel to meet the very nice Mr. A. We arrive and he immediately orders two bottles of champagne and some appetizers for us. Its a very good start. We sit on the outside patio until they kick us off at 1 am. We are affronted to be removed from our comfy setting, but I quickly recover when I spot quite a few very cute young men inside. I continue drinking champagne and get closer and closer to a guy with dark hair and a stellar smile. He looks like Superman. Hes adorable. Hes flirting with me and as the evening progresses, our bodies get closer together, we are doing the lean in, I am covertly smelling his cologne, he is accidentaly brushing up against my chest. Its hott. He invites me to come home with him in that oh so charming way that has me all worked up. I only pause for a moment to think about my car, but he assures me he will take me in the morning to get it. I say good night to my friends and get in the cab with him. We make out in the cab on the ride to his place, fortunately his cousin/roomate is in the front seat giving the cab driver directions. The second we get to his house, clothes start flying. His skin is soft and smooth in the right places, his muscles hard and defined. He is kissing me all over the place and we have sex all night. I wake up without realizing that I have slept at all. Its early in the morning and there is no reason for me to be awake. I look over at him and fervently wish I could take a picture of him with my phone, and its all I can do to resist. Then something I dont have to resist happens....we have sex again. Followed by a short nap. I am rudely prevented from actual sleep at this point because my underpit is totally ripe and I have to shower. So he directs me to the towel and I think about inviting him to shower with me, but decide a bit of privacy to freshen up is a good idea. I quickly rinse off and use some toothpaste to get rid of the carpet that is growing in my mouth. I get my clothes on because I am anxious about getting my car at this point....its a mystery, where did I leave it, will they be open, what if they arent, what the hell do I do if I cant get it til Monday....? I see that he is in bed, but he makes no move to get dressed. Then I begin to see the machinations of his beautiful little mind. Cute freakin boy with no chest hair. I see he is thinking "she has her clothes on, but I want to have sex again...hmmmm....whats a boy to do?" Fortunately this falls nicely into my strategy. Dont be shocked. My strategy is simple....I am going to fuck the shit out of him over and over and over. Perhaps he will call me. So I remove my clothes and follow my strategy. It works out perfectly.
I drive my P.O.S. minivan and pick up three GFs and we head to Georgetown. First we hit The Park on 14th street because we know the birthday girl Kelly Ann Collins and they are having free food and drink from 8-9:30. I valet my P.O.S and inquire when they close, because I'm kind of tired and may head home by midnight. He tells me I can be as late as I want, the company is 24 hours. (*note for future nonsense). We say hello to peeps, then decide to find another location. We begin texting boys. The first winner, is a Pakistani gentlemen I met several months ago when I was out at Bourbon/Four Seasons. He is at Sei with some friends. I tell the girls this is a sexy joint and we should go, it takes no convincing them and we set off. Then another text comes in and he tells us to meet at Bourbon. So we redirect the cab and vow to make my friend pay. We get to Bourbon and I introduce my three cute friends, and he instantly turns into a turd. He doesnt introduce us to his friends and doenst invite us to sit with him. We play it off and get our own seats. As we are looking at the menu we decide this is bogus, and we are not drunk enough for this crap, and we are not paying for our own drinks here. So we are off again in a cab to Rhino bar for shots. We stay there for a bit and flirt with some ugly boys. Then the winning text comes in. We head to Dupont Bar Hotel to meet the very nice Mr. A. We arrive and he immediately orders two bottles of champagne and some appetizers for us. Its a very good start. We sit on the outside patio until they kick us off at 1 am. We are affronted to be removed from our comfy setting, but I quickly recover when I spot quite a few very cute young men inside. I continue drinking champagne and get closer and closer to a guy with dark hair and a stellar smile. He looks like Superman. Hes adorable. Hes flirting with me and as the evening progresses, our bodies get closer together, we are doing the lean in, I am covertly smelling his cologne, he is accidentaly brushing up against my chest. Its hott. He invites me to come home with him in that oh so charming way that has me all worked up. I only pause for a moment to think about my car, but he assures me he will take me in the morning to get it. I say good night to my friends and get in the cab with him. We make out in the cab on the ride to his place, fortunately his cousin/roomate is in the front seat giving the cab driver directions. The second we get to his house, clothes start flying. His skin is soft and smooth in the right places, his muscles hard and defined. He is kissing me all over the place and we have sex all night. I wake up without realizing that I have slept at all. Its early in the morning and there is no reason for me to be awake. I look over at him and fervently wish I could take a picture of him with my phone, and its all I can do to resist. Then something I dont have to resist happens....we have sex again. Followed by a short nap. I am rudely prevented from actual sleep at this point because my underpit is totally ripe and I have to shower. So he directs me to the towel and I think about inviting him to shower with me, but decide a bit of privacy to freshen up is a good idea. I quickly rinse off and use some toothpaste to get rid of the carpet that is growing in my mouth. I get my clothes on because I am anxious about getting my car at this point....its a mystery, where did I leave it, will they be open, what if they arent, what the hell do I do if I cant get it til Monday....? I see that he is in bed, but he makes no move to get dressed. Then I begin to see the machinations of his beautiful little mind. Cute freakin boy with no chest hair. I see he is thinking "she has her clothes on, but I want to have sex again...hmmmm....whats a boy to do?" Fortunately this falls nicely into my strategy. Dont be shocked. My strategy is simple....I am going to fuck the shit out of him over and over and over. Perhaps he will call me. So I remove my clothes and follow my strategy. It works out perfectly.
Raising The Bar
Having been married and going through a divorce you think about the relationship alot, and what went wrong. You mull over everything you liked and disliked about the person and it can turn into a bitch session pretty quickly when more than one of your close girlfriends is involved, its your close friends that actually knew the freakin knob of a man, and wine is being poured freely. Then you move on to the "what I want in a man next" phase. I want a man that is going to listen to me, and one that will have lots of sex with me (believe it or not, many beautiful women had husbands who would not have sex with them, and yeah, its a big problem for the women), hopefully he makes a good living, yadda yadda yadda. Oh and he has got to be hot. Totally.
It was quite a shocker for me to hear from one of my girlfriends, "Sweetie, you are just going to have to suck it up and lower your standards," What???!!! "and you should probably start sleeping around too. It'll distract you from the crapstorm that is your life right now." Well guess what...she had a very good point. Its not going to be perfect, but it will be entertaining and maybe even fun. So I started talking to guys that I wouldnt normally chat up at all. I have to admit, they are thrilled that I am flirting with them and I do love the attention. Oh and things have changed with dating since I got married. Texting is where its at. Especially the younger ones. No more "Rules". That is right out the window. Once you accept it, practially anything can be a panty dropper. Enter crazy shit with boys.
I get a text from a guy I met at an after party for a polo event. Its like 9:30 at night and he is offering for me to come over to his new house and fetching me wine of my choice at the store and peppering me with questions like, region, year, variety as to my wine preferences. He is doing what I like to call "blowing up my phone" and I like this alot. In a previous life, I wouldnt have considered traveling around the beltway, inpromptu like that to some dudes house that is really only mildly attractive. But I send out an emergency text to my fearless leader, and she immediately tells me to go. Ive been in my flannel pajamas, but I put on my skinny jeans, stillettos, and a slutty top and drive off into the night. I even put on a fresh pair of Hanky Pankys.
I leave my luxurious, spacious, beautifully decorated home and drive 30 minutes to a hovel. With a BMW parked in the driveway. Its small, dirty and sort of smells like a boys dirty laundry. There is virtually no furniture except a old crappy couch positioned in front of a huge flat screen tv that is brand new and very exciting to people who get excited about shit like that. But he is effusous with his praise and extremely attentive, lively and has some fascinating stories about his secret life as a personal bodyguard overseas for a high powered executive that pays ridiculous money. It sounds crazy, but whatever. He gives me an amazing massage and encourages me to finish the second bottle of wine. After some really PG groping on the couch, we ascend the small staircase to his room, which is disgusting. I overlook it, because the new me has raised the bar on fun and lowered her standards with boys. Only a bed and clothes cover most of the floor. He has just moved in apparently. He's 26 or 27 I think. What followed was some skin contact and high school-esque making out, that was mildly arousing in the way that when you are watching tv and see a food commercial you think you should go to the kitchen and get something, but then realize you are too comfortable to do anything about it. I realized during the make out session that I cannot tell how "aroused" he is, and that is a bad situation for so many reasons. So I fake an orgasm, which I really dont advocate except in emergency situations. But I wanted to get out of there. It turns out he was short, arrogant, condescending to my friends, had a disgusting house, liked heady verbal banter, is kind of fat, and not really worth hopping into bed with. Its fine to lower your standards, but know when to call it done.
It was quite a shocker for me to hear from one of my girlfriends, "Sweetie, you are just going to have to suck it up and lower your standards," What???!!! "and you should probably start sleeping around too. It'll distract you from the crapstorm that is your life right now." Well guess what...she had a very good point. Its not going to be perfect, but it will be entertaining and maybe even fun. So I started talking to guys that I wouldnt normally chat up at all. I have to admit, they are thrilled that I am flirting with them and I do love the attention. Oh and things have changed with dating since I got married. Texting is where its at. Especially the younger ones. No more "Rules". That is right out the window. Once you accept it, practially anything can be a panty dropper. Enter crazy shit with boys.
I get a text from a guy I met at an after party for a polo event. Its like 9:30 at night and he is offering for me to come over to his new house and fetching me wine of my choice at the store and peppering me with questions like, region, year, variety as to my wine preferences. He is doing what I like to call "blowing up my phone" and I like this alot. In a previous life, I wouldnt have considered traveling around the beltway, inpromptu like that to some dudes house that is really only mildly attractive. But I send out an emergency text to my fearless leader, and she immediately tells me to go. Ive been in my flannel pajamas, but I put on my skinny jeans, stillettos, and a slutty top and drive off into the night. I even put on a fresh pair of Hanky Pankys.
I leave my luxurious, spacious, beautifully decorated home and drive 30 minutes to a hovel. With a BMW parked in the driveway. Its small, dirty and sort of smells like a boys dirty laundry. There is virtually no furniture except a old crappy couch positioned in front of a huge flat screen tv that is brand new and very exciting to people who get excited about shit like that. But he is effusous with his praise and extremely attentive, lively and has some fascinating stories about his secret life as a personal bodyguard overseas for a high powered executive that pays ridiculous money. It sounds crazy, but whatever. He gives me an amazing massage and encourages me to finish the second bottle of wine. After some really PG groping on the couch, we ascend the small staircase to his room, which is disgusting. I overlook it, because the new me has raised the bar on fun and lowered her standards with boys. Only a bed and clothes cover most of the floor. He has just moved in apparently. He's 26 or 27 I think. What followed was some skin contact and high school-esque making out, that was mildly arousing in the way that when you are watching tv and see a food commercial you think you should go to the kitchen and get something, but then realize you are too comfortable to do anything about it. I realized during the make out session that I cannot tell how "aroused" he is, and that is a bad situation for so many reasons. So I fake an orgasm, which I really dont advocate except in emergency situations. But I wanted to get out of there. It turns out he was short, arrogant, condescending to my friends, had a disgusting house, liked heady verbal banter, is kind of fat, and not really worth hopping into bed with. Its fine to lower your standards, but know when to call it done.
From a normal life to a wreck
I used to have a normal life. I went to work, went home. Met a guy. Got married. House in the suburbs. It was boring. It was just so...tame and unsatisfying. Very Vanilla. I did it for a long time. Thats dangerous, because the wild had to come out eventually. Much like the cork of a champagne bottle, the wild pops right out with just a bit of a nudge in the right direction. It was a time where I became close friends with several women, who over time realized they were unhappily married. One woman, well she was happy but her husband lost his mind and left her for an unattractive waitress that was so stupid that she couldnt even argue without sounding like that SNL skit with Eddie Murphy using big words amazingly inappropriately. Anyway the group of us supported each other through our trials and tribulations and got into a lot of hijinks. In the era of reality tv shows, we are thoughroughly convinced that our nonsense would be way more entertaining. When we go out, we dont just do one thing. We hit no less than three locations, and as many as eleven have been totaled among our core group. Inevitably we began sleeping around. Balancing a future ex husband, children, jobs, and recently aquired "persons of interest" was no small feat. It was hilarious. But we had a lot of crazy shit happen to us too. We realized that we are "wrecks in the city". So we became "The Wrecks". We began adopting new members into our special little club. None of the boring and safe suburbanites were allowed. All their husbands were fascinated with us. Collectively we had some major mad skills and whenever we went out as a group it was...well it was a spectacle. Our Facebook friends that are married watched us from their computers, surfing our pages to see current photos, or put together the mystery of what (or who) we actually did, as we post an array of updates ranging from actual locations, people and references to inside jokes that really make you wonder what the hell we did. (How the hell do you know that Ambassador?) Especially because some posts were at 3 in the morning. We entered the phase of drinking too much, staying out too late, texting boys that are "too young" and loving every minute of it. Our lives were not boring anymore. We are Washingtonians after all. But even for Washingtonians, we run pretty damn fast.
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